Paula Deen Rodeo - Print version

Longtime readers of The Gurgling Cod may remember the Paula Deen Rodeo, an exciting test of stamina that challenged readers to see how many seconds of Smithfield's spokesmodel flashdancing through the decades they could watch before blinding selves, or putting a fist through the monitor. The time has come for a new contest, one which will draw only the very steeliest of souls. Simon & Schuster, which has certainly had prouder moments than this, has posted  an excerpt from Paula's memoir, It ain't all about the cooking. It is 933 words. How many can you read? Be warned. As far as I could read (not far) Deen consistently forms gerunds by adding "in'" rather than "ing," as is customary among literate English speakers. With any luck,  the little Panama boy what vacuums the dropped gerunds out the bottom of Paula Deen's Escalade has a better health plan than the workers at Smithfield.

I've said it before, but it bears repeating: Paula Deen manages simultaneously to disgrace southern cooking and humanity in general, which is harder than it looks.  It's as if Paul Prudhomme couldn't cook, or if Henry Kissinger started peddling microwavable biscuits and gravy.

Comments

[Kevin]

"I'm a smoker. There, I said it. Hardly anyone outside my family knows that, and it embarrasses me because it's an addiction I can't be quit of, though I try every day. They say Jackie Kennedy was a chain smoker, but she would never allow herself to be photographed with a cigarette -- and I get that real well because I also try my damndest to see that no one takes my picture with one...."

Chef, I knew Jackie Kennedy; Jackie Kennedy was a friend of mine...

[Paula]

I made it to: "So, y'all, here is what the publisher calls my memoirs."

I figure any sentence in which I want to italicize every single word to emphasize how ridiculous it is (in context, with the exception of 'y'all' and possibly 'so') is a good place to end.