I don't have time for commentary, but I am just posting this link to Deen's "why I love to cook for men" so that it will be handy when I put together the supporting materials for declaring a fatwa.*
*Yes, I am using it in the incorrect Western sense as synonym for "death sentence." However, excited about this:
A fatwā (Arabic: فتوى; plural fatāwā Arabic: فتاوى), in the Islamic faith is a religious opinion concerning Islamic law issued by an Islamic scholar. In Sunni Islam any fatwa is non-binding, whereas in Shia Islam it could be binding, depending on the status of the scholar.
If I convert to Shiism, and get promoted to Associate, I could issue binding laws? Sweet!