Deear Messrs Kraft, Mara, and Tisch-
Congratulations to you and to the Giant and Patriot families on your conference championships. Both of your franchises have had exciting seasons, and this Super Bowl matchup will have fans buzzing.
There is some bad news. For your efforts, you have earned yourselves a trip to Indianapolis. Once in a while the NFL chooses to rotate the game out of the usual venues, and play it in a grim and inhospitable Rust Belt stadium.
But look at all the fun you can have tailgating, as long as you follow these rules!
If you want to go upscale, there is Tavern on South, pushing the culinary envelope with filet mignon meatloaf!
You see the situation. Indianapolis is a city where people like Asian fusion and McCormick and Schmick. Fortunately, there is a solution. You are people of means, and did not become the men you are by kowtowing to men of small minds and limited imagination. Here's what you do -- rent some jets, fly to New Orleans, and play a game there. Loser agrees to forfeit the Man's Super Bowl.
In case you have forgotten, one stumble out of the Superdome and be eating like a king within minutes. A Ferdie or a Ralph at Mother's. A meal at Cochon and some snacks at Cochon Butcher. Take a streetcar, and a whole world opens up. Take a cab to Frankie and Johnnie's. Try that new burger place on Freret. Oysters from Acme and Cassamento's Stroll to and from your hotel sipping on an Abita. Get a muffaletta from Central Grocery and hide it in your jacket. Find someone with keys to the Supedome, put a sign on the marquee -"FOOTBALL CHAMPIONSHIP TODAY." Cash-only general admission. Tee it up, play the game and send Rodger Goodell and Indy your regrets.
You can thank me later, xo, The Gurgling Cod