It's been a rough week or two for the student newspaper at the Cod's day job. First, reactionary sexism only a Roiphe could love, then a shockingly dimwitted ant-abortion piece that mixed slut-shaming and some sort of delusional sperm rights argument. But! Critiqing student journalism is like shooting fish in a barrel, and hey! they're just kids, right? Anyway, the Cod is on the record as enjoying the genre of the college newspaper review, such as this Bob Jones University review of noted oriental restaurant PF Chang's. But! The good news is that the bad news goes further than one would imagine. Even the World's Greatest University's student paper of record can produce this:
Panera Bread has set a date for their grand opening: Friday, April 13. With new table service on both floors, Harvard students can snack on Panera's signature soups and breads without moving from the second floor armchairs overlooking Widener.
Over the next two weeks, Panera will complete staff training sessions and put the finishing touches on their decor. The space features fireplaces upstairs and downstairs to create a cozy atmosphere for students to eat, work, or socialize.
Yep, that's breathless anticipation for mediocre food, and an embarrassing usage mistake! Bob Slate was stationary, but it was a stationer, not a store that sold mobiles! Worse still, Panera is a little upmarket for some of these future 1percenters!