So, the Facebooks have a new thing where they ask you to compare places you have checked in at, and vote which is better. In theory, FB generates yet more valuable marketing data about consumer preferences, and while it might work well for, say, a Pat's vs. Geno's throwdown, there are some bugs in the system -- various friends have been asked to compare, say, that once-in-a-lifetime trip to French Laundry to, say, that sushi place in the lobby of your building you get lunch from when it is raining and you are depressed. At times, it amuses the corporeal host of The Cod to "check in" at Subway restaurants when he is not really eating there. Thus, FB asked:
It's a toughie! Both restaurants are committed to Eating Fresh. Subway gets the nod on price and number of locations but Craigie has a deeper menu and a more ambitious beverage program. What do YOU think?
Boston is the kind of city where people don't have time for the musty old past. It was bad enough when they went and turned Maison Robert into a Ruth's Chris Steakhouse, but now the Old Corner Bookstore, AKA Anne Hutchinson's* house, aka Ticknor & Fields HQ, etc. is turning into a burrito chain:
So The Cod saw where the Eaters were teasing a piece w/ "the problem with food porn." Glad to see it, b/c the Cod used to wonder if people who used the term "food porn" were clear on what pornography is.* A refresher. For instance, the CSPI called Hardee's Thickburgers "food porn," cuz they are, like really bad for you. Like porn. But wait! Porn, the regular kind, is usually involves looking at kinds of people doing kinds of things for/with/to/at oneanother in contexts that are not accessible to the viewer. (Yes, Slammy from Miami, and yes, Rod Huggins, but they are exceptions that prove the rule.) What makes it bad, then, is the distance between the object and the consumer, which produces degrading objectification, etc. But the problem with the Thickburger is not that exists only in print or pixels, creating unrealistic expectations of hamburgeruality in our youths. You can't wander into your local Hardee's and fuck Sasha Grey, but you can order a Thickburger. That's the problem. On the other hand, the folks Eater linked to w/r/t "the problem w/ food porn" conflatepornography and desire in a way that's just kinda effed up:
What strikes the Cod as funny is how many ways this isn't funny. The joke, such as it is, depends on the faith of Carl's Jr. fans that their burger chain will never not be trying to kill them: "Vegan tofu burger? Good one, Carl's Jr! Now, seriously, give me that hardcore artery clogging shit."
Also, making jokes about the burgers you don't serve seems like a mistake if the burgers you do serve are a big fucking joke themselves. A "charbroiled turkey burger" is bad enough, but a charbroiled turkey burger that comes in "original, guacamole, or teryaki." A choice between regular, Japanese steak marinade, and Latin American avocado condiment is like going to a Bonanza and discovering that the salad bar is organized along the principles of the Celestial Emporium of Benevolent Knowledge.
The Cod is alive to the possibility that the aforementioned Men's Health/Carl's Jr. collab is not exactly Woodward & Bernstein territory, journalismwise. The upper management at the Cod's day job exhorts us to be "entrepreneurial," but partnering w/ the subject of your muckracking investigation seems, you know, tacky. Woodward & Bernstein, for instance, did not open a chain of steakhouses with Nixon.*
But if anything, the Cod is about making lemons out of lemonade, and embracing the new 2.0 realities of journalism is one of those. Rather than deploring the sordid, guacamole-spattered clench between a regional burger chain (Hardee's is involved, too, somehow) and America's leading journal of abdominal exercises, as a public service, the Cod would like to suggest and solicit other magazine/cheeseburger partnerships!
For one thing, TV spot has the Cod itching to join an anarcho-vegan lesbian terrorist cell. No shit, the ad is Ms. Turkey walking down a dock, eating a cheeseburger, and removing her dress to reveal a bikini with a print of little turkey burgers. Rest assured, it is the real Ms. Turkey.)
For another thing, it's a strange partnership. Looking on the googles for a linkable thing for this post, "Men's Health" + Carl's Jr. pulled up stories from MH about how bad the food at Carl's Jr. is for you. Lke so:
On a brighter note, via dayjob grasshopper Princess Jinx, currently killing it on the Tumblrs from the EU, evidence that even Domino's Pizza, architects of an ongoing shitty pizza blitzkrieg, will occasionally employ someone with a sense of humor (via):
Keeping the word "jug" down here and away from the bots, but Jesus in pleated chinos, the KFC Mega Jug? 64 oz, 1/2 gallon, 1/126 of a hogshead of high fructose corn syrup to wash down those nuggets. Official word of the Mega Jug seems sparse, suggesting either a hoax, or some genius Mexican Pet steez viral marketing, but either way, three things are certain: 1) There is no escaping a photoillustration of Morganna. (Morgana seems to fare better charging the mound than did Robin Ventura, bee tee dubs.) 2) You get Megablast, like it or not. 3) Between this, and the grim awareness that football season is over, it is most definitely just another Guiteau Monday.
Welcome EDSBS shoppers. As it happens, circumstances call for a rare theft of a category tag from our friends at EDSBS. But! Our friends at Popeyes are looking to make this the trillest Thanksgiving ever:
"Cajun turkeys flying out of fryers"? This is EXACTLY the kind of thing that will keep any number of volunteeer firefighters from watching the end of the Lions game.
And it's not just Poindexters at State Farm alert to this danger -- the TFH is second only to cute kittens on the Youtube. Start typing "turkey fryer" in the search box, and glory in the number of debacles you can watch.