So, Walmart is on Facebook. They ask "what's missing from our Labor Day grilling list?"
Gosh... Walmart... Labor Day... things that are missing. I know! A FUCKING UNION is what's missing from your Labor Day grilling list, or failing that, a business model that does not rely quite so much on eight yearolds in China making crap for Americans. The Cod might be cranky because Labor Day is just another work day in this rabidly anti-union state. But for fuck's sake, you think Walmart's social media team would have the sense to leave Labor Day the fuck alone. It's just another Monday, and most definitely a Guiteau Monday at that.
It happens. It has to me, already, this year, event with a new fridge in the office, and plans for an office toaster oven. (Did you know they will sell you one w/ a rotisserie, raising the spectre of roasting a chicken in the office, and the passing of drumsticks to students waiting for academic advising, etc.) But, it happens. Rather than packing a delicious and inexpensive lunch, I've wound up paying for something more expensive and less good. No need to go into details - those of you who know where the Cod grinds can paint the unpretty picture; those in similar rackets can paint a similar picture using colors other than orange and purple. You plan for something like Badthings epically simple sandwich:
But it's 95 degrees out, and you forgot to get an extra tomato, and you need to pay someone for a less good sandwich than the one above, so you go to a non-Jared sandwich outlet. It happens. But! It's the kind of thing one keeps to one's self. However, the social media wizards at the aforementioned sandwich chain now want you not only to confess your weakness, but to shout it from the electronic rooftops of Twitter. It could happen, but only on a Guiteau Monday.
Borderline Guiteau Monday material, but an absolutely baffling gambit from Miracle Whip.
Now, I'll do just about anything Jeffrey Tambor tells me to, but this ad seems oddly evocative of various anti-bullying campaigns of recent years. And the one w/ Winona echoes those ASPCA commercials w/ the Sarah McLachlan song. Not ready to start picketing Kraft Foods, but there is something sort of sketch about the whole enterprise, what with the coopting the vibe of animal rescue/gay rights to sell your product. Also, Duke's.
It's been a rough week or two for the student newspaper at the Cod's day job. First, reactionary sexism only a Roiphe could love, then a shockingly dimwitted ant-abortion piece that mixed slut-shaming and some sort of delusional sperm rights argument. But! Critiqing student journalism is like shooting fish in a barrel, and hey! they're just kids, right? Anyway, the Cod is on the record as enjoying the genre of the college newspaper review, such as this Bob Jones University review of noted oriental restaurant PF Chang's. But! The good news is that the bad news goes further than one would imagine. Even the World's Greatest University's student paper of record can produce this: