"Don't read the comments" has entered the lexicon alongside truisms like "never eat at a place called Mom's." The thing with truisims is that they are true. I'll go on ahead and add "never listen to words on the radio." On the way home from a fantastic trip to B1G territory, an Mp3 player whose gum was tired led to a tour of the FM dial, where I learned that for one thing, the Clippers players and fans are just as bad as their owner, and also, there is a movement called "grilling while armed." It is exactly what you hope it is not:
Like firearms, Americans love their grills and smokers and the smell of the coals brings back our primal instincts. Here in the GWA section we’ll pair up a great firearm selection for you to wear that will compliment your choice of BBQ’d delight!
It's worth unpacking this just a little bit. Even if we accept the notion that carrying a handgun makes you safer, it seems that your risk just might vary based on where you are. Visiting a crack den? Sure, a gun might be helpful. But cooking out in your own yard? Because intruders might hop your fence and make off with the potato salad? Also, my limited understanding of gun laws suggest that you are encouraged to be sober when carrying a handgun. Thus, by transitivity, when grilling while armed, you are supposed to be sober. Which is to say, that the feeling of security that comes from standing in your yard with a Glock on your waist while you flip burgers is more important than the God-given right to pound a few cold ones while grilling.
Or! These patriots simultaneously exercise the natural right to drink beer while cooking out, and their second amendment right to bear arms. Thereby fulfilling the Founder's vision of backyards from sea to shining sea, with bleary, sunburned dudes on can 15 of Natty Light drawing down on their sister's BF when he accidentally uses the word "BBQ" when he means "cookout." If you can't feel safe in your own damn yard w/o pistol in your belt, the Cod can only conclude that your manhood needs a level of protecting not even Tony Siragusa can offer.
In other news. If you are committed to having a really shitty BBQ (the kind with guns), then Hellman's has the perfect match. BBQ flavored reduced fat mayo. Mostly backyard cookouts are for the weekend, but seems like gun nuts with grills + Tony Siragusa + this condiment abomination would be the perfect way to wrap up another Guiteau Monday.