THE GURGLING COD

A Throwing star, not throwing stars

This week, we see the fighting side of Strong:

Sadly, if this is what Rao’s is about, I’ll pass. I had a chance to check it out Friday night and, unfortunately was quite dismayed. The place was a high end Olive Garden. Actually, I think Olive Garden might be better. Dinner began with a basket of stale slices of white bread in a straw basket with a dish of olive oil. Our first course, clams casino, were chewy and bathed in an amount of garlic and oil that I have never experienced in my life. For pasta, we had ziti in a bland and chewy pancetta and tomato sauce. We were asked if we wanted cheese. We said, “Yes, please.” The waiter arrived and sprinkled powdered Parmesan over the top. Are you kidding me? Powdered Parmesan? Were we at Pizza Hut?

Suddenly, it all becomes clear. Once again, Bruni is the trailblazer. If you cultivate a rep as a chipper booster of the food scene, it gives the very rare negative review the force of a blindside hit from Lawrence Taylor. Bruni's diss of Ninja was infinitely more painful because it was the first time in recorded history that he had not been bowled over by the mere concept of exchanging Punch's money for a hot meal. Similarly, when Strong comes with the Olive Garden and Pizza Hut beef, you have to believe that she's not just having a slightly sub Babbo evening. Regrettably, we will return to our regularly scheduled Oscar coverage bright and early tomorrow.

Oscar Tips II: Best Supporting Actress

    If you're planning lighter fare for your Oscars fete this category is a goldmine:

Amy Adams in “Junebug” (Sony Pictures Classics)
Catherine Keener in “Capote” (UA/Sony Pictures Classics)
Frances McDormand in “North Country” (Warner Bros)
Rachel Weisz in “The Constant Gardener” (Focus Features)
Michelle Williams in “Brokeback Mountain” (Focus Features)

    Some might shy away from McDormand, but a braise in Barolo will really bring the nuance of this performer front and center. If you can't find Barolo, a Cab will do, but remember, if you wouldn't want to drink it, you won't want to cook with it either!
    Keener, on the other hand, will shine with a much simpler prep--a carpaccio makes a refreshing app. For the savvy chef, a Keener carpaccio can be a chance to show off--you can stick with a traditional presentation, drizzle with EVOO, add toasted pine nuts, or even grated lemongrass and Nam Pla* for an Asian accent!
    When Amy Adams is in season, you want a simple preparation to allow the natural flavor to shine through. Consider lightly frying in tempura batter, and serving with a variety of dipping sauces. Use a candy thermometer to make sure the oil stays right around 350, and remember to blot on paper towels before serving.
     If you're in the mood to indulge, Weisz is a good choice for an extra special Oscar night. Roast whole until the skin is crisp, and allow to rest ten minutes before serving. You can serve as is, or deglaze the pan with Grand Marnier for the traditional A L'orange presentation!
    If you can't make it to LA for the festivities, why not bring a little bit of LA into your own Oscar party? Section Williams, fry and serve over waffles. It sounds like a strange combo, but that's how they do it in LA! Enjoy your preparations for the big night, and check back tomorrow for tips on how to serve the Best Actor nominees. Hope your're hungry!

*This traditional Asian condiment, also known as fish sauce, should be available in the ethnic food aisle at your supermarket. A Taste of Thai is a good brand.

Oscar Tips I: Best Supporting Actor

    It's Oscar week, and nobody, but nobody, is more excited than your Cod. All week long, I'll be offering tips to help you get ready for the big night.

Best Supporting Actor:
George Clooney in “Syriana” (Warner Bros.) 
Matt Dillon in “Crash” (Lions Gate) 
Paul Giamatti in “Cinderella Man” (Universal and Miramax) 
Jake Gyllenhaal in “Brokeback Mountain” (Focus Features) 
William Hurt in “A History of Violence” (New Line)

    This category has a lot of challenges, and a lot of opportunities. With time and patience, you'll be sure to wow your guests. Gyllenhall is probably the easiest choice if you are pressed for time. Chops, cut thick and grilled over a natural charcoal fire is the way to go. You'll know he's ready to go on the grill when you cannot hold your hand two inches over the grill for more than a few seconds.
    For the ambitious chef, a whole roasted Clooney is a real show-stopper. However, be careful preparing this dish, as the Syriana hunk's liver and gall bladder are poisonous!
    If you decide to go with Hurt, plan ahead. You'll need to order him special from your grocer, and allow time to soak in several changes of water before poaching in water with a bouquet garni--or, for a down-home touch, RC Cola!
    Dillon is another performer that needs a skilled chef to coax out what he has to offer. He'll never be Timberlake-tender, but grilled and served Tucscan-style with plenty of garlic, he offers a hearty treat.
    If inclement weather means grilling is not an option, why not try a braised shank of Giamatti? Traditionally this dish is served with risotto milanese, but sushi rice cooked in homemade chicken stock is a great shortcut! Just be sure to have gremolata on hand, the traditonal acompaniment of parsley, chopped garlic, and lemon zest.
    See you tomorrow with ideas for the distaff second bananas!

Also

Speaking of websites that do not give the full d/l, it appears that Rick of  Rick's Picks is  trying to keep his weekend foray through the belly of New England a secret from Web users.. He'll be popping up at Whole Foods in MA, CT, and RI and distributing samples-- you can stake out your favorite, or drop me a line for a more detailed itinerary. Be sure to ask him about the forthcoming Mean Bean Tees.

Stomping

Savoy is getting its pig on, though you would hardly know it from the website.* Fortunately, some kind soul added me to their mailing list, and I got a card detailing the following:

Thu 23, through Mon 27, an Italian Pig Menu.**
Next Tue, the Ossabaw pig dinner with Peter Kaminsky. (There are better ways to spend Fat Tuesday, but if you are stuck in NY, consider also laissing the bon temps roulez pour les autres.)
Further down the road road, passover food of the Italian Jews, and a whole roast lamb for Easter.
I'd love to be there for all, and interested on hearing details of any, but should also mention my (non) encounter with Peter Hoffman. I met him, tooling around the Greenmarket on his lowrider bicycle with which he forages ingredients, and mentioned my plan to stop in. He said "Let me know you're there if you do." The next day, the Cinetrix and I trooped in, and somewhat awkwardly informed our server to tell Peter we were there. We ordered, the food came, we ate it. The bill came, we paid it, we left. Never saw hide nor hair of Hoffman, or evidence that we knew we were there. Distinctively awkward all around.

This problem of not being recognized and getting only regular service is the opposite of the one masked banditti like Reichl face, but I imagine it happens more frequently. My aquaintance with Hoffman was slender, and I am not one to presume goodguy treatment on the basis of a brief meeting. I'd be interested in hearing about similar experiences from servers, chefs, or patrons. I imagine that there are folks who expect to breeze into a hot restaurant at 7:30 on a Friday on the strength of having gone to kindergarten with the chef, which would be un-fun for the front of the house, and I imagine that there are chefs who confronted with the name of a huckleberry friend when deep in the midst of cooking unintentionally offend. If you have knowing a chef/presuming to know a chef anecdotes, please share in the comments.

* Can someone explain why every chef who has advanced beyond the clam strip station at Friendly's must have flash animation on their website? JGV, this means you.
**If you are reading this, you have dodged the Gopnik choucroute bullet. (For reasons not quite clear, he seems to be a veritable sponge for bile in the blogosphere. Perhaps a bit self involved at times, but not quite clear why about 68% of bloggers would opt for kicking Gopnik in the balls as their make-a-wish wish. Obviously Gopnik is not fit to tote his doggy bag, but I wonder if the likes of Liebling faced the same ire in their own days.)

Nobody asked me, but...

Alan Dershowitz is to jackasses what Willie McGinest is to linebackers. Like a 61 Petrus, these hoary vets keep on stepping up their respective games when you might expect them to fade off into the sunset. In the wake of the Summers exit, the former Von Bulow mouthpiece came with an op-ed piece headlined "Coup against Summers a Dubious Victory for the Politically Correct." It is not clear to me if Summers was the right guy for the job, but to suggest that Summers got turfed because one time he said "Black" instead of "African-American" is preposterous. Being the president of any university, let alone the Worlds Greatest, involves dealing with multiple constituencies, and Summers could not manage to work with the faculty. Take away the faculty, you have a bunch of kids milling around an office park.

More important, I would expect better analysis from mid-day sports talk hosts in a tertiary market. As  an ideological descriptor, "politically correct" is about as feeble as they come, especially as it has come to mean just about anything contrary to conventional wisdom, viz: "It may not be politically correct of me, but  I think Matt Leinart should have left after his junior year." Worse still, the modality of politically correct vs. politically incorrect has a corrosive effect on our lives, because it is easier than right and wrong, viz: "It may not be politically correct of me but I enjoy a) smoking cigars b) clubbing seals c) watching Thai orphans wrestle gators, topless." Characterizing Summers' assertion that having a penis might help you work that TI-84 as "politically correct"suggests that it's no big deal that the leader of the most prominent university thinks like Barbie.

There's plenty more not to like: Dershowitz's misleading/sloppy use of "plurality of one faculty," and you can see the rest for yourself. What is more concerning for those of us fessering elsewhere is the perception this may give the impression that most universities are in danger of falling into the hands of radical faculty, and thus need stronger oversight from president and trustees. By and large, that does not seem to be the case.

To conclude, fuck Mavens, war Kupel's and, most of all, Defend Allston.

Questions for Avril

I have always had a weakness for Avril Lavigne. Sk8er Boi is a great pop tune, as long as you recognize that the antecedent is Phil Spector, not Patti Smith. Or Patty Smythe, for that matter.  Glad Avril's getting into couture, with the requisite ab crunches and skipped lunches that involves.  However, the Ramones T is somehow an affront. The faux punk pose was forgivable in a tot from Napanee caterwauling over some fluff from  the Matrix,, but if she is gonna hang out with Karl Lagerfield, the whole Spencer Gifts aesthetic needs a revisit. To ascertain if she is coming correct, I have a short  Ramones quiz for Avril:

Geography:
1) She went away for a holiday. Where?
a) Hawaii
b) Disney World
c) L.A.
d) Cancun

Philosophy:
2) Is it possible to dissuade the cretins from hopping? Discuss.

Logic:
3) Which of the following statements are true?
I) I wanna be sedated.
II) I  don't want you around.
III) I wanna live.
IV I don't want to live this life (anymore).
a) I & IV b) I, III, & IV c) II & III d) All of the above.

History:
4) Late in their career, the Ramones covered songs by Tom Waits and Motorhead. Which songs, and why?

Sociology:
5) How far is Rockaway Beach?

Mathematics:
1-2-3-4 = ?

Cubano Quixote

Miami was excellent, but not from a sandwich standpoint. A variety of social engagements prevented the kind of Diogenes-like search I would have liked, but what I managed to try was disappointing. The sandwichy parts of the weekend went like this:

Sat 5 pm--pick up rental car. Ask for Cubano suggestions. Am steered to Versailles or La Careta on SW 8th.*
Don't find 8th between 7th and 9th, (being raised in Boston has made me singularly inept when confronted with streets with numbers and vectors), but realize I am pointing more or less in the direction of Havana Harry's, a spot mentioned by at least one Chowhounder. I drove by, saw that it had tablecloths, and kept going, ending up with a desultory bakery empanada prior to the cookout in lieu of rehearsal.

For Sunday morning, the Pickler proposed a dawn 9am 10:45 rendezvous at Versailles. We found it, and while the meal was illuminated by the company of the proprietrix of the House of Lounge and her consort, and the vibe of the place was echt (tiny cups of coffee, gesticulation) the sandwich itself was a disappointment. The Cubano is a grilled sandwich with cold cuts, which creates some special challenges. If you are holding the cold cuts at an appropriate temperature, it is easy for the interior of the sandwich to be cold when the outside is well grilled.

I went outside and made the first of many mistakes. The Pickler had spotted a scruffy local market down the street, and wanted to check it out. I do not recall the vibe, but they were keeping even realer. Even smaller cups of coffee, and a whole roast pork shoulder falling apart behind the counter. This had the appearance of being the sandwich equivalent of the idea we should have rolled with from the beginning. I courageously order another sandwich scant minutes after leaving Versailles. This is the experience I came for. I get the sandwich to go, and try it on the way back to the car. The interior is downright frigid. 68% of the sandwch remains in bag on floor of backseat of rental car.

After dropping the adults off at the pool, I embark on an ill-advised solo tour of South Beach. I'd rather try to find a spot for my Airstream on Boylston St. during the Marathon than park a Mazda on South Beach during the boat show. Nautically inclined, those Floridians. A crawl back down US1 brings me to the ceremony, a Quaker wedding/pig roast, (porcine details to follow) but no closer to Cubano nirvana. 

Much much later, I am delighted to find the remainder of the abandoned sandwich, which in the absence of room service, is just the thing to accompany the can of Modelo I pilfered from the reception. The bread is not as crisp, but the temperature has equalized over the course of a long day and night on the floor of the car. I wonder if Trillin, Apple, or Steingarten are ever reduced to eating sandwiches they had abandoned in their rental cars?

The Fessering happens at an institution that barbarically does not observe President's Day, so I'm looking at a relatively early departure from MIA. The flight is at 8:30, and I have a rental to return in an unfamiliar city, so I aim for a 6:30 departure from the hotel, or about 2 1/2 hours after I go to bed. The alarm makes a terrible noise, and I depart. As I pull out of the hotel lot, I notice that it is still dark, and that that the clock on the dash says 5:30. I establish that it is, in fact, an hour earlier than I planned. Naturally, given the extra time, the entire return to the airport is effortless and speedy. I'm at the airport a solid two hours before I have to board. It turns out that Versailles and La Careta have airport outposts. Redemption, surely. A fortuitous added time Cubano from La Careta will surely allow me to snatch sandwich victory from the jaws of defeat in the cold gray light of dawn. Nope. The best of the trip, but not as good at they do it at the Montrose. To review, Massachusetts for Cubanos, and Florida for chowder. Go figure.

*In writing this, I learned that Versailles and La Careta are owned by the same guy, which would seem to take some of the drama out of their rivalry.

I guess this probably means that they shouldn't rouge that occasional teat that turns up on pancetta, either.

If some of the meat in supermarkets is looking rosier than it used to, the reason is that a growing number of markets are selling it in airtight packages treated with a touch of carbon monoxide to help the product stay red for weeks.

This form of "modified atmosphere packaging," a technique in which other gases replace oxygen, has become more widely used as supermarkets eliminate their butchers and buy precut, "case-ready" meat from processing plants.

The reason for its popularity in the industry is clear. One study, conducted at Oklahoma State University for the Cattlemen's Beef Board in 2003, said retailers lost at least $1 billion a year as meat turned brown from exposure to oxygen, because, though it might still be fairly fresh and perfectly safe, consumers simply judged meat's freshness by its color.

Seriously, the "case-ready" part may be the really bad news. When you make the groceries, see if there is anyone in the vicinity of the meat case who is holding a knife. The kid who initials your receipt from the self-serve checkout will not cut you a hanger steak.

 

What a Hoot!

I don't know why there is not more of this kind of thing, but  I'd be delighted to make real wings for the perpetrator, though I'd insist on wearing more generously cut shorts. I hope that this Hooters-replacing-the-2nd Ave-Deli type of shenanigan catches on. It seems as if a majority of the New Yorkers I know are folks who have moved there hoping to a) Make it in the Big City, and b) Escape the Stifling Provincialism of _____. What could be better than  the expression that greets the intelligence that a Perkins is opening across the street from your pal's hard-won LES pied-a-terre? Or, narrowing the focus, one of many reasons to wish for Mr. Teachout's recovery to continue apace is so we can, in good conscience, convince him that the Throwed Rolls have followed him back to NY without endangering his health.

Update:
Now I kind of wish the original hoax was true.