Kiss my black can

Hope Christmas brought whatever it was you desired, be it a yard-long Sabatier, or a chance encounter in the all-night grocery. We've talked a little bit about Chunky soups in the context of Sunday Night Soups over to Serious Eats, but there is more to say. At times, parody anticipates real life -- today, one can buy real razors with numbers of blades that existed only in the pages of The Onion a few short years ago. I don't know if there is an explicit parodic antecedent for  Campbell's Chunky: Fully Loaded, but it surely is the first canned soup informed by the Brawndo campaign.* It is, after all, the soup in the black can "packed, crammed and jammed with extreme amounts of meat!"** Curiously, the semioticians at Hormel sued Cambpell's, alleging that the stew did not meet the statutory definition of "stew" and thus harshes Dinty Moore's buzz. Where is Carl Weathers when you need him? In the meantime, new-to-me The Impulsive Buy comes through with an explication of the Chunky/NFL liason, and a withering review of the Fully Loaded Rigatoni:

Speaking of testicles, Campbell’s has finally accomplished what they have always strived to do — give soup some serious balls. While that statement is indeed a terrible joke, it’s also what I think this “soup” is really made of. The meatballs have an abnormally chewy texture that I could only assume mirror the texture of a certain questionable organ meat. Maybe this is to appeal to the people with giant Oakland Raiders vinyl decals and metallic ballsacks hanging from the back of their trucks, but nobody knows for sure. I understand that they can’t use the finest cuts available, but this is bordering on unappetizing and disturbing.

Word.

*For evidence of life imitating art, you can watch the Chunky spot here.
**If this sounds like something you'd see on a DVD box, don't blame the Cod.