THE GURGLING COD

Reuben(burl)esque, or This is why you're fat and & Xzibitionism

Yo, dawg I heard you liked Reubens, so I put Reubens in your Reuben, so you can eat Reubens while you eat your Reuben.* And then I deepfried it, because I am trying to kill you.

I generally have a lot of respect for Kenny and Zuke's. I ate there twice during a visit to Portland last year, and enjoyed both meals a great deal. I'm on their mailing list, and the  apology they sent after a smoker problem resulted in an unacceptably rubbery batch of pastrami was worth clipping and saving for an example of how a well run busines acts when something goes wrong.

But this "DDD Reuben" is just nasty. I mention it only beause I fear it may be an early example of something we will see more of in the coming weeks -- given the gobsmacking popularity** of This is Why You're Fat, there will be a strong temptation for restaurateurs who should know better to pander to this trend. I fear that's what happened in Portland.
*Art history buffs will be able to tell you what happens if you eat triple Reubens:

**EMD may be the exception to the adoration of TIWYF.

Ed Levine's inconvenient truth

In a much commented upon post over to SE, Uneasy Ed points out the elephant in the Greenmarket. Basically, sometimes the most sincerely produced food -- mom's jam, pigs that go to Reed for a few years before being slaughtered through modified death techniques, sometimes end up being crappy food:
Just because a conscientious, responsible pig farmer decides to make bacon, or just because a talented chef with good intentions decides he's going to make his own salumi, doesn't mean the bacon or salumi is going to be good. Making good salumi or good bacon is really hard. It requires lots and lots of practice, a strong guiding hand, and the knowledge to both make the product and know when it's good.
True,  and worth pointing out, but part of a larger question, which is the temptation to confuse the experience with the product. To put it in a different context, just because the waitress calls you 'hon don't mean the grits ain't from Sysco. Or, "Felicity needs new shoes -- let's put on our pinafores and sell Crystal Light to the neighbors."

Fun with ontology...

It's a little early in the morning to have your very existence called into question:
But good advice, I suppose. It is, after all, just another Guiteau Monday.

Venison sausage? Yes, please

Eva gets busy with some venison patties and mushrooms at Cooking Habit. I wish I had been there. More generally, I wish I had better access to venison. I plenty of the students at my day job hunt, but have not had the chance to parlay excused absence for Opening Day into packages wrapped in freezer paper. It would be wrong, but I'd like the chance to resist the temptation. 

Recession Coition

 This economic collapse has been a real boon for food editors everywhere. In lieu of yet another story about how Dan Barber reads to his chickens, or the newest kind of artisan salt from a mine in Nunavut, editors can just assign one "____during a recession" piece after another. (The feeding six under $50 piece was a pretty useful piece of service journalism, as was the TONY cheap booze piece, but generally, these pieces show that commodifying austerity is difficult when you are not putting a single pair of sunglasses in the window of your 5th ave retail flagship.*
In trying economic times like these, the wining and dining that traditionally accompany wooing may be beyond the means of many. That said, the keeneyed cinetrix passes along some news that suggests how our friends in the city with big shoulders might garner some hugs and kisses in these uncertain times. Rodan, in Wicker Park, offers free screenings of Asian cult films and $3 bowls of noodles and $3 beeer specials. By my math, that's dinner and a movie +cocktail with change left over for an appropriate tip,** and a trip to the lavatory which one hopes has a machine vending prophylactics.*** I hear there is a free iPhone for the person who makes the one millionth "stimulus package" joke, but with spring only 8-12 weeks away, its good news for aspiring romantics in the City That Works.
*As a reminder, dining a la carte at Per Se does not count as austerity.
**I would be interested to hear from those in the service industry if the various recession-busting deals mean people are more likely than ever to screw servers by tipping on artificially low check total. Actually, I think I know the answer, but would welcome confirmation.
***Thankfully, it's been a long time since my last first date, but dinner + movie, esp more than once, while not placing either party under any sense of obligation, does suggest at least the possibility of the part of the first part getting naked in the presence of the party of the second part, or vice versa, right? Right?

Is Grant Achatz the one who said "just grab 'em in the biscuits"?

Following Gachatz reminds me pretty regularly that despite my instincts, his name is not pronounced a-CHATZ, but instead rhymes with "packets." This always then reminds me of Digital Underground's landmark 1990 debut, Sex Packets.*
Molecular gastronomy... no two people will do it the same.
*I would have posted this on even slimmer pretexts, and you still would have been glad I did. So hush.

This less than charming man, or, contract riders are murder, figuratively speaking.

From the en fuego folks at EMD, news that Morrissey demands a meat-free venue. Way back in the day, the first Smiths jawn was called Meat is Murder, and I guess Moz is all about that lifestyle. However, this particular vegetarian manifestation, in its preposterous divaishness, is more Patti LaBelle than Peter Singer.
As his rider details, it's like this:
Catering: All food should be vegetarian. For everyone. Including all crews, stands and attendants inside the venue and in its vicinity. If there is a barbeque spot nearby, the artists' room should be placed so that the wind will not be in their direction. All food should be fresh and healthy and mineral water should be supplied all the time. A balanced diet must be kept and upheld.

Dinner for Morrissey: Kitchen should be stocked with the following for the artist: peas, spinach, carrots – all steamed. Roasted potatoes and grilled asparagus. Pasta – only with simple tomato sauce. Morrissey does not eat any kind of chili or spices. In addition, the food in the venue (whether sold at the stands or brought by the audience) shall be completely vegetarian – meat will not be allowed inside the venue.

The good news is, I guess, that you do not have to be female, or adolescent, to have control issues related to food. When you are a pop legend, you can just enact them on a larger scale.

The Ballad of the Sin Eater

Ted Leo + the Pharmacists,  "Ballad Of The Sin Eater" Hearts of Oak, 2003.

The day we feared would come has arrived.

G-d help us.
(Artist's rendering of the likely psychic impact of this feed on The Gurgling Cod.)

Cheeseburger Deluxe

Hey, pretty waitress, I've only got five bucks...
World Famous Blue Jays, "Cheeseburger Deluxe" Rig Rock Truck Stop Deisel Only, 1993
Have a good weekend, you all.