Hold the strippers, hold the lettuce...

The trend piece in yesterday's DI/DO on bachelor parties focused on nice meals, rather than lap dances is kind of a headscratcher. I have actually been to a bachelor party where there was fancy food and no stripper, but as a piece of reporting, the piece is conceptually and epistemically flawed. The idea that some subset of bachelor parties end without any spray tan rubbing off on anyone's collar is pleasant to comprehend, but does not seem to represent a giant leap forward for our civilization. Also, the epistemology here is sketch, because do you know what? Bros lie about strippers. For instance:

Andrew Loewenstern, 37, a software developer and a dedicated gourmand, flies around the world with his friends, descending on destination restaurants. Last year they went to Spain for a meal at El Bulli. Mr. Loewenstern celebrated his bachelor party two weeks ago at Alinea in Chicago. His friends converged on the city, flying from San Francisco, Los Angeles and New York.

That's fantastic. But unless Achatz locked them all in the restaurant for the night, I'd bet that five minutes after they settled the check, these bros were on their way to the raunchiest strip club in Gary, with twenties tucked under their eyelids, Phish concert or no Phish concert.

Worse still, even in the context of the meal part, the bros manage to sound creepier than your average guy who stops by Legs & Eggs on his way to work:

“For the groom, carnal pleasure involved eating,” said Archie McAlister, 43, explaining why he reserved the chef’s table at the Breslin in Manhattan for a bachelor party he held earlier this month for Theo Peck, 38, a cook. “They brought the pig, then this slender girl came over and butchered it down for us and chopped it into little pieces. I don’t mean this in a leering way, but that was the female entertainment for the evening.”

Jesus.

Comments

[coach purses]

It is quite obvious that there is no difficult thing (nothing difficult) in the world. if you make up your mind to do it, you will certainly accomplish your end. That stands to reason.

[BK]

I have it on good authority that at certain high-end restaurants with private rooms, both fine dining and stripping can be enjoyed. Even with, say, a Lydia Shire manning the kitchen. Hope this helps.

[Bridget Callahan]

There are no strip clubs in Gary. At least none they would take their fancy cars to.
Though I am curious as to how one tucks a twenty under an eyelid. If I go blind because I remember this comment later when I'm fucked up, I'll at least keep in mind to send you pictures.

Yeah, that part about the pig was fucking creepy.

[JL]

Legs & Eggs! Did you ever go? Friends of mine did once, thinking it would be funny. Evidently it was not.

[louis vuitton purses]

If that's not good enough, consider the Tim Allen corollary to Ibsen's famous dictum that if you