Via Whatevs, two reasons to eat at home...

The Cod had recently congratulated himself on honoring his pledge to Peerless Photoshopper Penny Pascal to stop threatening to join Al Quaeda whenever a particularly revolting restaurant concept popped up. But it is not going to be easy! Via Uncle:

Over the past five years Twin Peaks has established a leadership role in the burgeoning category of casual-dining sports bars with an all-female wait staff known wryly as 'breastaurants.' With its tongue-planted-firmly-in-cheek tagline of being a restaurant with 'Scenic Views,' Twin Peaks is following in the path well trodden by the shapely gams of niche pioneer Hooters."

 The 'Fesser in me is obliged to point out that "wryly" is not quite le mot juste here. For "wryly," the OED has "In a wry, oblique, or distorted manner," and "wry" is "Dryly or obliquely humorous; sardonic, ironic." It would be more accurate to write "the burgeoning category of restaurants referred to candidly as 'breastaurants.' Because the people who serve the food there are women. Who have breasts. And they make them wear outfits so that you can see part of them. The breasts, I mean." 

To judge from the restaurant's own website, they seem to be targeting Japanese businessmen visiting places like Tulsa and who have powerful Eddie Bauer fetishes. To clarify, the restaurant chain is called Twin Peaks, because it is a breastaurant, and breasts often come in pairs, and are convex. That is the sly part, because the point is actually that the food is served by women with breasts. However, the restaurant inexplicably chooses to honor the nominal source of the name, David Lynch's cult TV show, and lays a heavy PNW theme on the cheesecake. Thus, the promotional materials feature vignettes like the above, where one of the gals from the restaurant is enjoying her day off relaxing on her Flexible Flyer practically garbed in hoodie, black panties, sheer knee-highs and red patent stilettos. In general, if bosoms barely contained by buffalo plaid are critical to your enjoyment of a meal, Twin Peaks seems like the place for you. It  it sure won't be for the food. Sexy lumberjack theme or no, it's one of those where you can intuit every item on the menu from the typography on the front. There are only three folks in the world who can fix this, so please, Bob, Greg, & Grant: 

Comments

[Bridget]

I like that they could come up with innuendo titles for all the menu sections except salads and chilis.

[Marco]

I'll start with the extra crispy fried pickles w/habanero dipping sauce, then go with a chicken-fried enhanced chicken breast, wash it down with a few 29 degree drafts that hopefully will freeze the nuts off that damn pecan tree in my back 40 and end with a Twin Peaks sundae with a blonde hottie.

[Margaret]

I am assigning this post to my Creative Nonfiction class this fall.

[Fesser]

Thank you, Margaret! Too bad these fashion insights were not available back when we were running Flexible Flyers down the Gifford Road.

[Rose's Lime]

Bridget, I've written in to suggest "Barely Dressed Greens" and "Sloppy Seconds".