Last year, we uncovered a conspiracy whereby the Canadian government was traning chef/owners, sending them to America, and embedding them in college towns where they would undermine the fabric of the community by serving delicious prix fixe meals on gamedays, in restaurants WITHOUT EVEN A SINGLE TELEVISION MONITOR. Disgraceful. Amazingly, not only did the National do this openly, they did it more than once.
One might imagine that last night's debate between the next President of America and the lady and the health care nut would have us all suffused with new flushes of patriotism, and focused on the family, college football, and other key American values, but some people you just cannot reach. During one of the most critical early season contests for the second most powerful half of the most important football conference in the USA, the National is doing this. During the game! While young Gamecocks and Bulldogs play their hearts out for America, the National would have you nibbling on "braised rabbit orecchiete pasta," or "roasted Boston blue cod, with a GA shrimp remoulade." Disgusting.
In a followup investigation, we asked if televisions had been installed since last season, National proprietor admitted Peter Dale "No TVs but we can stream on the 13" MacBook."
A 13" Macbook. As if an Internet connection and a tiny screen could convey the genius of the one they call Don Esteban, AKA Stephen Garcia, the only Division One college football player with a Tiny Floating Matthew McConaughey guiding him? Sad.
If you find yourself in Athens this Saturday, you will be able to find lagers in aluminium bottles, multiple hi-def screens pumping ESPN, and chicken wings of many degrees of hotness. Everywhere except for The National, that is. Forewarned is forearmed, Bulldogs and Gamecocks.
*Technically, Hugh Acheson's partner Peter Dale runs the National, and handles the details of this Canadian conspiracy.
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