THE GURGLING COD

The "Dressing on the Side" Sports bar?

So, @nastinchka @sarah_sprague @wcp, & @metricjulie have already dumped hot ghi on this, pretty much (click to embiggen), but Bachelor Pad Star to Open Ladies Sports Bar in D.C. Area, and allow me to mansplain some of the salient features:

Eater reported yesterday that it will be a "ladies style" sports bar.* Nicole Pettitt, another investor who works for Greenberg, tells Y&H the place will serve "really nice edgy food that women would like."** The menu will consist of small plate bar food, "not just wings and potato skins."*** Greenberg also says he envisions "leather sofas where ladies can drink wine."**** By day and into the evening, the place will play sports on TVs, but later at night, it will transform into a dancing destination.*****

*"Ladies style sports bar"? An oxymoron, as the sports bar is where you go to escape from that suffocating harridan who wants you to spend time with your family? Or, perhaps bar food and flat screens, reimagined for ladies? All salad and WNBA 24-7? 

**"Nice edgy food women would like"? The issue here is either an all-nacho menu  or a publicist with a poor vocabulary. 

***"Not just wings and potato skins"? Because chicks hate wings? 

****"Leather sofas where ladies can drink wine." It's like they got a fifteen year old boy, gave him some Noxema, and told him to write a business plan. 

*****""By day and into the evening, the place will play sports on TVs, but later at night, it will transform into a dancing destination." It's all fun and games until you get glassed by an Oregon fan for turning her game so the dancing can start. Alternatively, they leave the monitors on, and your dance partner is watching a critical third and short in the Fresno St. game that has a significant impact on her financial future. 

The only way to make a DC-area sports bar for women viable is to have a) RGIII fan fiction open mic nights and b) Footrub Fridays with Gilbert Arenas. Play us off, Cake! 

 

Eatin' good in the neighborhood (you can check out any time you like, but you can never leave)

So, I saw where the Applebee's in Seneca, SC has a Monday Night Football Kickoff Party that lasts until 2am. If there is a prospect more terrifying than an Applebee's in Seneca, SC at 1:59 am, I don't care to imagine it. The most logical explanation comes from the 1995 thriller Se7en. You may remember that it features the future Ms. Chris Martin's head in a box, but the arc of the film concerns a vigilante who is disgusted with contemporary society and enacts gruesome murders keyed to each of the seven deadly sins -- feeding an obese man until he dies, etc. 

So, clearly, there are those who feel immoderate watching of football is a sin, and these people made this. The scenario I imagine: "Honey, you began the weekend shushing me during the Pitt/Cincy game, you stayed up until God knows when to watch San Jose St., you ignored your parenting and domestic responsibilities to watch the NFL all Sunday, but I want to take you to Applebee's for the Monday Night game." Fan calls for check sometime during the 4th quarter of the Monday night Ravens/Bengals, says something about having to work tomorrow, partner waves off server, orders another dozen grilled chicken wonton tacos, suggests a friendly wager on the SECOND Monday night game. Fan suffusedwith football, looks puzzled, as it dawns that there is no escape from this Applebees'. 

Heath Ledger crunch?

It says here that there is some legal beef b/c the folks at Ben & Jerry's feel that the Ben  & Cherry's porn franchise impinges on their brand. How many times have I gone out to pick up a pint of premium ice cream, and in my confusion, come home with a DVD of interracial porn?* That said, given that the focus seems to be on larger performers, it is, once again, a case where Chris Onstad predicted the future. 

*SEVERAL. 

Welcome @siholly readers

Howdy, stranger! Some of you may have just found your way here from the Campus Union. More pig thoughts here.  Welcome. Despite your first impression, it's not just imagining state names as stripper names here, not that we are above that sort of thing. Our POSSLQ had a blog, and it seemed like fun, and a change of scenery from the day job. It's mostly food, with categories for Boston, NYC, NOLA, as well as the South. We cook, we ponder, we waste your time, we pick up a book now and again. We like football, the regular kind, as well as the kind played by men hired for money, and now and again we offer food ideas keyed to specific gameday situations. We have a very patient friend who is willing to photoshop Alice Waters into almost any situation. If you like Twitters, you can keep up w/ posts, and other nonsense like that with the official Twitter of The Gurgling Cod. 

Oh, yeah, buy some of these so my little nieces don't have to go work in a mill. 

Guiteau Monday, Labor Day Ed.

So, Walmart is on Facebook. They ask "what's missing from our Labor Day grilling list?" 

Gosh... Walmart... Labor Day... things that are missing. I know! A FUCKING UNION is what's missing from your Labor Day grilling list, or failing that, a business model that does not rely quite so much on eight yearolds in China making crap for Americans. The Cod might be cranky because Labor Day is just another work day in this rabidly anti-union state. But for fuck's sake, you think Walmart's social media team would have the sense to leave Labor Day the fuck alone. It's just another Monday, and most definitely a Guiteau Monday at that.