THE GURGLING COD

A Hedgehog by any other name...

...would still not what the Cod wants in his Planter's Punch, thanks all the same. You must be 21 to view today's Guiteau Monday, but it will make you feel much, much older. 

The only blog that matters (during football season, at least).

Foodball, from FOC Sarah Sprague, is essential reading. Especially when dropping schnitzel science. This is the hard part. The easy part to remember is that if you slap some Hotties on there, you got yourself a Rick-fil-A. 

Cleveland hates YOU

Let me count the ways. The hed reads 

6 Delicious New Eats Now Available at First Energy Stadium (Just in Time for the Cleveland Browns Season Opener)

But Jesus: 

1) Food Network's Sweet & Spicy Baby Back Ribs 
These babies are served at the Food Network cart, inside BrownsTown.

What could be better than BBQ whipped up by a cable TV network?

It's not even a Food Network "personality," it's just the network, cooking you baby back ribs. For one, it's a cut that not many BBQ folks I respect take seriously, and for two, even in the picture, it looks more like spare ribs from a Chinese takeout place. 

2) Pinzone's Market Fresh Meats Sausages:

The food styling struggle continues from the sweaty ribs. These could be delcious sausages, but looking at this image, I keep wondering what you call it if you do a top decker on a griddle. 

3) Fusion Rolls 
This "Soul Food Egg Roll" from Southern Fusion Restaurant in Euclid is served at the First Down Favorites locations near Sections 104, 121, 504 and 528.

A hate crime against both African-Americans and Asian-Americans.

4) Fried Mac & Cheese Balls
These gooey balls of goodness are served at the First Down Favorites locations near Sections 104, 121, 504 and 528.

Something this bad for you had better be really good, and what looks like deep fried Kraft mac and cheese is not worth pissing off your cardiologist. 

5) Grilled Cheese Pretzels
Fans can stay in their seats for this cheesy treat. It's one of the items that vendors will sell to you in the stands.

A hate crime against white people. Fair is fair. 

6) Cleveland Whiskey
Cleveland Whiskey is served at all First Energy Sportservice-operated bars.

"Cleveland whiskey"? Eat all this and wash it all down with a beverage that was almost certainly an Urban Dictionary entry before it became a brand? What could possibly go wrong? 

It is, after all, just another Guiteau Monday. HT to Princess Jinx for the link. 

Women laughing together with salad?*

So, yeah, women eat lunch. Even powerful ones.  (*Sorry, The Hairpin.)

There is something powerfully dated about this piece. Throughout, the tone is "How about those dames? They start working outside of the house, and the next thing you know, they want to take a lunch break. What next - voting?"

More important, the entire article is animated bt a presumption that while professional women in New York want to take advantage of the networking opportunities afforded by a meal with business assocates in the midde of the day, first and foremost, their job is to be skinny, so the news in this piece is... fancy salads? I can understand that not everyone wants to have a crab cake eating contest with Henry Kissinger at Le Cirque, but it made me sad to see an article about meals focus so much on restraint, and so little on pleasure:

What they value perhaps more than anything else is what is embodied in that classic carrot-and-avocado salad: a sense of richness that never leaves the diner in a crippling food coma. “Very often you’ll go out and have a meal and you’ll feel heavy,” Ms. Bhojwani said. “You never feel heavy after a meal at ABC Kitchen.”

Again, no need for us all to go all Diamond Jim Brady, but it's hard to shake the sense that the food part of lunch is a regreettable necessity. 

And file under I wouldn't live in New York City if they gave me the whole dang town: 

“Where you go to have lunch has to be on brand with your brand,” said Carrie Rosten, a consultant for media companies and magazines — as much a signal of your sensibility as the shoes you wear. She added: “You’re not going to some Midtown spectacle of a place. Because that’s not cool. That’s a different thing.”

At the day job, the Cod is having lunch w/ a dean tomorrow, and is alarmed at the prospect of matching his brand with one of the local options. 

Also: "At ABC Kitchen, Satya Twena, center, a hat designer, with her employees at discoverpique.com, Valeria Segal, left, and Alex McLean." See right. I have a good friend who used to design tires, but it would look stupid if he wore one to lunch. Ms. Twena could maybe profit from this example. I understand that ladies are permitted to wear hats indoors, but I don't reckon that includes when you stole your hat from the Flamingo Kid.)

Play us off, Anna Kendrick:

Don't Ever Antagonize The Hess?*

So, Food52 came up in the context of my bemusement vis a vis AG's plea for the NYT Sunday food section to return to its Hesserier heyday, Food52 came up, which reminded me that historically I'd had suspicions about their content model (send us your recipies, so they can become our recipies, is the model basically). So I checked back to see if that had changed, and I'm glad I did not create a membership before I read the current TOS, to see if the intellectual property transfer still worked the same way. It does, basically, but also this: 

You may link the home page of food52.com to any website you own or control provided it is not commercially competitive with food52.com and does not criticize or otherwise injure us and is in compliance will all applicable laws and intellectual property and other legal rights. 

Am I bad at reading TOS, or is the no criticism proviso unusual? 

*Sorry, Tom.