Over the River and through the woods, to Aramark's house we go

Thanksgiving torture porn has been a thing ever since the intermission of Grindhouse, but it reaches macabre new heights this year, via the unexpected medium of the employee newsletter. 

The same sociopath who sends out an email every feb suggesting getting a room at the campus conference center for a romantic Valentine's getaway is now encouraging subcontracting campus catering to do your Thanksgiving cooking. The rest of the story here is that the Cod's day job's catering is in the steely grip of Aramark - thus what you would be saying to your guests who brave the vagaries of holiday travel to sit at your table is: "Happy Thanksgiving! I care so much about this harvest celebration that I contracted with Aramark to feed you, after a fashion!" There may be more emphatic ways to say "fuck you," but I can't think of many. 

Feast your eyes on the choices, if you dare. Because it just wouldn't be Thanksgiving without a jug of sweet tea and a red velvet cake. Seriously - forget Eli Roth, this is some Lars Von Trier stuff happening.