THE GURGLING COD

If Meryl Streep wins the best actress Oscar for Julie & Julia....

Anchower, I know. The Cod's corporeal host looks forward to feeling like a high-functioning human being some time in the future, but that day is not here yet. But! Been meaning to post post Oscar noms. To my dismay, but not my surprise, Streep got a nomination for her aforementioned grotesque caricature of one of the heroines of American cooking.* With better command of telekinesis, I'd go Carrie on the whole shebang, but failing that, the Cod is firing up another Facebook campaign -- you remember how well that went last time -- in an effort to forestall doddering Academy voters from voting for a name brand and thus giving further encouragement to this vulgar philistinism, the Cod is starting a new Facebook group "If Meryl Streep wins the best actress Oscar for Julie & Julia...." The Cod has promised to crash an Oscars afterparty and set himself on fire. What will you threaten to do to get Oscar voters to see the light?

*Not to mention that on a personal level, watching the inexplicably revered Streep get prop after prop for taking a giant whizz on a significant figure of my childhood is a bummer.

Doing my "a real rain" dance

Two items from one day's worth of FNJ have me thinking it's time for someone just to go ham on Western civilization:

1) The Toronto Star reports that Mildred's Temple Kitchen, a Toronto restaurant, is offering a unique Valentine's promotion this year that goes so far as to sideline the food and get right down to the sex: a suggested interlude in the restaurant's "sexy bathrooms." "Have you given any thought to moving beyond the bedroom?" goes the come on.

2) DELRAY BEACH, Fla. -- A new Delray Beach business may have a heart defibrillator, dialysis machine and CPR classes, but it's not a hospital or a clinic. It's a sports grill.

The bedpan full of cheese chest pain fries is just one of several medical-themed dishes on the menu at Heart Stoppers Sports Grill.Anyone who weighs 350 pounds or more gets a free meal.

The Cod had recently wondered why heart attacks were so much funnier than cancer, but this is really pushing it. Oh, and the "waitresses dress like sexy nurses" alleges the caption. "Sexy nurse," in this case, evidently being some sort of local slang for "the watiresesses dress like bedraggled runaways forced to wear crummy nurse costumes." 

If there is someone in a cave in Pakistan Afghanistan working on a giant robot Travis Bickle armed w/ Sidewinder missiles, just tell me how I can help.

Signs of the apocalypse

Not even done with my first cup of coffee and 3 clear signs that the end is nigh:

Ice Cube trades AK for fishing pole.

15 people impersonate Guy Fieri, the yak jizz hair guy. 

Marge Simpson poses nude all risque for Playboy. 

I'm sure that catching a Yoo-Hoo vomiting, genital-incinerating performance artist tonight will restore my faith in humankind, but until then, yikes.

Yankee Stadium premium food plan.

With news of the new offerings at the new Yankee Stadium, we debut a new category for posts. Sometimes Tempora, Mores just ain't strong enough:
The folks in the 4,000 or so premium seats at the new Yankee Stadium — which will costs as much as $2,500 — will get a bit more than the average fan.
They’ll have separate restaurants and dining areas for their exclusive enjoyment. In the Legends Suite Club, the food will be prepared at open cooking stations run, from time to time, by Masaharu Morimoto, April Bloomfield of the Spotted Pig and chefs from Le Cirque.
Some of the chefs will be at the stadium for one evening and others may make multiple appearances.
“I’m tickled about it,” Ms. Bloomfield said. “I like baseball and it sounds like fun.”
And the price for any of the premium seats includes unlimited food, a trend that wealthy fans at other parks like Dodger Stadium have been experiencing.

Unlimited food, yes, but some day a real rain is going to come.