THE GURGLING COD

Sexual harassment, or a plea for mutilation?

EMD posts this sexual harassment training video (Ok, sexual harassment prevention video, more likely.):

I have so many questions:
1) Based on the salad bar, the restaurant in question appears to be an economy steakhouse, but is lit like a dungeon.
2) The harasser in the video seems to be taking the dad from Family Ties as is sexual archetype. Why?
3) The harassee is transferring a bowl of sliced cukes to an indifferent looking salad with the care of George Seurat applying paint to a canvas. Non-sexual harassment about the French dips congealing in the kitchen while she fiddles with tongs would seem perfectly reasonable.
4) The video seems to be riffing on the unfortunate tendency of men to find it amusing when women handle/are near cylindrical objects (cucumbers, braunschweigers, Ford Taurus wagons, etc), b/c of their imagined morphological similarity to erect male genitalia. However, when one is talking about a sack of pre-sliced cukes just off the Sysco* truck, the only resemblance to male genitalia exists in the mind of Valerie Solanas. Is the manager of this crappy restaurant, in fact, hoping he has found someone willing to indulge his castration/subsequent genital mandolining fantasy? Were the early 1990s really like this?

It's not just for breakfast anymore

Evidently, there is some sort of thing going on in Austin lots of people are at, including an intrepid reporter from the LA Times who filed the following dispatch:

Suicide Girls get sizzling bacon 'bro' tattoos at SXSW

Talk about bringing home the bacon. At Saturday night's Bigg Digg party at Stubb's BBQ in Austin, Texas, I ran across two young ladies from the tech world who were sporting brand-new, hot-off-the-grill bacon tattoos. 

Lynn LaVallee, a.k.a. @poshy, and her friend Jessica Zollman, a.k.a. @jayzombie, in town for the South by Southwest music and media conference, consummated their roommate-ship early.* The two San Francisco-based women, both Suicide Girls (that's the Web's "enlightened" erotic-photo site), are moving in together next month, and they both love bacon.  Hence the decision to get their "bro tatts." 

I wish HRO was here to sort this out. But so many questions:
1) Alt pinups get tattoos. This is news?
2) The headline is ambiguous: are "sizzling bacon 'bro'" tattoos" tatoos of sizzling bacon, or are the tatts, themselves sizzling, as in hott?
3) I can get the bro tatts thing (born a few years later, Johnny Ro and I would be sporting matching manta tatts today, no doubt), but bacon? If a bro tatt affirms a solidarity between two people who feel a bro-like affinity, how does an affinity one shares with most of humanity express that solidarity. It would be like you and your bro getting XLVI tatts, b/c you both have 46 chromosomes. It's something you have in common with most folks. Bolder would be, say, a life size durian on one buttock. Or perhhaps "Lutefisk Thuggin" over the abs. Just saying.
4) Any chance Andre Williams will record "The Bacon Tatt"?
*If you were doing a sequel to Buckaroo Banzai, you could do worse than start with an altporn model/web developer.

I once got busy in a TSA detention area

Speaking of wait a minute, a new head scratcher from Burger King. I am really not sure how a pickle preparing to perform a cavity search on an onion makes fast food more appetizing. And the onion has porn.

The "V" in VIP stands for "Vegetarian"?

The cinetrix passed along the picture at right, and wondered if you could catch Hep C from greens. I am not actually a medical doctor, and as such am not qualified to make such determinations. I can say, however, that I do have several questions of my own. First and foremost, why? It is, uh, exposure for Pammy, but what aspect of the message of the folks for treating animals nice (hi, Google) do airbrushed cabbages on a Reagan-era starlet hurtling towards Wildensternian levels of plastic surgery represent? Does Pammy keep on offering to do these, and on one has the heart to tell her to stop? Even a cursory trawl of the internets reveals no shortage of vegans willing to go sans clothes to promote the animal free lifestyle (NSFmostW). There appears to be no rival web presence for those who favor multimodal carnality, as the first hit for "carnivore porn" involved Bruni and pork butts, and left me too discouraged to continue.

A Benihana chef on the SP12s?

Gilbert Arenas is the best celebrity blogger not named Raymond Smuckles, and the best athlete/blogger since P.J. Stock.* Gil's most recent post details the release dates and concepts for the 19 (!) versions of his new sneaker. You won't want to miss the Cubano or the Channel Zero, but the most intriguing offering is the last -- Hibachi, "the Benihana collab." How does a Japanese steakhouse chain contribute to the design of a sneaker? Will there be faux grill marks for the tread? Will they be steak-scented? Is Devon Aoki involved? How is it possible for Arenas to blog using an Olivetti portable? So many questions unanswered. Have I established a sufficient pretext to post some P.J. Stock career highlights?

Scarfing Bacon

Anchower, I know. Like Cole Porter wrote, it's too fucking hot. I've been subsisting on Miller High Life and Pedia-Lyte popsicles, so not much to report foodwise. It is too hot to think about winter accessories, but clip and save the bacon scarf for later. Via AFB.

Patriots Day

These are my people, and I love them, but then they go and do this:

Without getting all Zaprudertastic, it seems to me as if the pizza was aimed at the Angels outfielder, not the fan, but I have so many questions:
1) I know that a brisk pace of a beer per 1/2 inning can make affect decision-making, but throwing pizza at Garret Anderson after the ball has been dropped in a 7-1 game?
2) Who eats pizza at a baseball game?

Update: Evidently some Red Sox fans like their pizza with beef.

 

So, a coyote walks into a Quiznos...

...no, really, a coyote walks into a Quiznos. In Chicago. In the Loop. Michelin or no Michelin, Alinea or no Alinea, it will be hard to take Chicago seriously as a world-class dining city until they can put a stop to this kind of thing. (Via Kip.)

Busy

But never too busy to share news like this:

THE folks who run Hooters may be the world's biggest boobs - for kissing off a chance to get Pam Anderson into one of their restaurants. People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals wanted to book the Hooters on West 56th Street for a private party on April 17 feting "Committed: A Rabble-Rouser's Memoir," the new book by PETA honcho Dan Mathews veggie Buffalo wings., and planned to serve But Hooters suits put the kibosh on the idea on grounds that the organization is too politically charged and controversial. A spokesman for the Chicago-owned chain said: "PETA mobilizes strong feelings on both sides of the fence. It wouldn't make good
business sense for us."
And

"[PETA honcho] Mathews, who's now looking for a more tolerant venue, told us, "Hosting the book party would have showed that Hooters is well rounded in more ways than one. We're always looking for ways to keep the 'T' and 'A' in PETA."

Two of many possible questions
1) When did righteousness and smuttyness become the new peanut butter and jelly? The whole "I'd rather go naked than wear fur" thing made sense as a one-off, but PETA seems committed to bringing the jiggle to everything they do, viz image at right. I suppose if we have to put up with cheesecake to get rid of sweatshops, we can tolerate a bit more to save the animals.

2) Veggie chicken wings?