THE GURGLING COD

We got to move these refrigerators: Or, Holly, Brian, and Molly are writing for MTV!

Very excited that MTV has rescued not one, but three very talented writers from the wreckage of Grantland. Holly Anderson? Dayenu. But! Brian Phillips, and Molly Lambert, too, though as I said earlier about a puppy, at some point, it's not rescuing, it's 'crootin. Very excited to see what happens, BUT! The Cod cannot help remembering when he was but a fingerling, and hating MTV was very Important, if you were Serious about the Music. Some favorite MTV-hating jams -- feel free to add more in the comments. 

and! 

and! 

 and! 

 and even lest we forget, the band fronted by Mark Knopfler, AKA The Least Interesting Man In The World, got in on the game: 

 

Funny how times change. 

 

A modest proposal from the Food Network

So, this was in the inbox. It's a little disappointing. I know that TV is a ratings-driven business, and that Rachael Ray and Guy Fieri are personalities with huge followings, and that's important for getting  a show like this off the ground. At the same time, if you're having a Kids Cook-Off, it seems kind of harsh to exclude the guy who developed the concept. 

Paula Deen riding things and encouraging moderation.

It's been almost 48 hours since I challenged Paula Deen, her associates, or fans to come up with evidence supporting her claim that she has "always encouraged moderation." The silence has been deafening, with one exception -- the Paula Deen Riding Things and Encouraging Moderation Tumblr!

Alton Brown returns to Twitter, or why is this troll smiling?

So, do you remember where you were when social media savant Alton Brown announced his return to Twitter? The same place you were when he deleted his Twitter a month ago? This time, things will be different:

As some of you may remember, about a month ago I left Twitter to: sick, lowlife scumbags. Well, it turns out the sick, lowlife scumbag population on Twitter is actually rather low while the number of nice, normal (seemingly at least) folks is relatively high. 

<snip>My people have talked to Twitter’s people and as of today I’m back. 

<snip>

So, once more unto the Twitter breach…

But, rest assured…I’m loaded for troll.

Unfortunately for Alton, the point of the troll is to get a reaction:

One who posts a deliberately provocative message to a newsgroup ormessage board with the intention of causing maximum disruption and argument

So, AB loaded for troll = troll mission accomplished! But, whatever. This sort of faux-oafish (foafish?) thing is par for the course for AB. But! He does tell the trolls this:

Although I’ll tweet as regularly as possible, I’m only going to answer questions twice a week. On Tuesday and Friday mornings, I will answer the first 10 questions I see as long as they’re suitable for public consumption. Other than that I’ll attempt to limit myself to culinary and cultural matters.

I may be late, but I do have an important question for Mr Brown: 

Monobrow Preservation Society swag coming soon!

UPDATE: The actual shirts will look like this.

Cod fave Hugh Acheson tweeted: Check our fine t-shirts at the Empire State South shop! And coming soon is my "Monobrow Preservation Society" t-shirt! Evidently, the brow is taking on a life of its own, and props to Hugh for rolling with it.

Through sources, we were able to get a leaked version of an artist's conception of this design:

Save an XL for the Cod! 

Emeril, you don't have to say you love me.*

Thanks to all for the kind words w/r/t my quixotic struggle w/ a cookbook that weighs as much as a third grader and costs as much as a suite at the W. But we must not neglect the usual Cod business, like finding some dismaying soupcon to start the week. (Rainy Monday on the tail end of spring break means there will certainly be good seats available in the 11:15 class at my day job, y'all come!) 

As I  mentioned last year about this time, the weeks and weeks of Mothers Day hype are a grind if you are recently short a mom. I am not sure if being an orphan makes the following more or less disturbing:

"Good Morning America" is looking for a mom who has done it all...and then some. We're seeking that entry that moves us the most, about a mom who did something extra-special for her family, her community, a friend or loved one. Is there a mom you know who has done something extraordinary or heroic? What makes this mom special?

To enter, please fill out the information below by April 15, 2011, including an essay of 100 words or less explaining why the mom you are nominating deserves Emeril’s Breakfast in Bed. 

I can't imagine a contest where winning is more like a home invasion (well, maybe that Shaqille O'Neal searches your home for kiddie porn contest).  Emeril got his start at a spot that, entre nous is home to a ferociously overrated brunch, and unless your mom is Rebecca Black, and sleeps perfectly coiffed and lipglossed, encountering the GMA crew first thing in the morning might not feel like winning. Also, the whole thing is just creepy. I am bracing myself for:

The Alton Brown shows you how to floss properly contest.

The Guy Fieri just needs to crash on your couch for a couple weeks contest. 

The Rachael Ray hosts your Carlos viewing party contest. 

The Anthony Bourdain crashes your sister's wedding contest. 

Feel free to add you own contests in the comments, if it helps to pass the time on what is most certainly another Guiteau Monday. 

Luckily, Dusty does. 

The price of fame for Tom Colicchio

You run a restaurant, people like it, or don't. Go on Top Chef, and Internet troublemakers make sport of you:

Play me a song Tom Colicchio. Real soft-like. Make me think you totally wouldn’t be the kind of dude to scream at me to get on my goddamn knees and TRY HARDER. Not that that’s a dealbreaker. Just don’t forget our safety word, “Padma.”

And while we’re here, let me just say that I imagine Tom’s head tastes lovely. If you were to lick it I mean. As I imagine doing so every Wednesday night at 10pm. Not even Bourdain can zap me out of my “what does Tom’s head taste like?” stupor.

Guys We Shouldn't Be Attracted To is shaping up as the Hipster Puppies of 2011. 

Tony Bourdain is like a chocoholic, except for, uh, culture?

 (Yes, late to the party here, I know.) Props to Tony Bourdain for 100 episodes of No Reservations. If I had better food on TV skills, it's one of the few I'd watch on purpose.* I did notice something a bit strange in the print ad for the show. It's TB leaning against a knife - of WORDS! Sure, 100 
  episodes, 100 words, and maybe the copy folks run out of gas somewhere in the middle of the knife, but one of the choices towards the top seemed curious. (See detail at right.) But "culture junkie" seems like a curious choice for someone who documented his own career as and actual, you know, heroin junkie in his breakout book.** Not quite ready to break out the life imitates Onion category yet, but it is eerily reminiscent of the Onion's "I'm like a chocoholic, except for booze." 

  *The corollary to this is The Gurgling Cod's own version of the Bechdel Test: if you see Guy Fieri on your TV, throw wrenches at it until the image subsides. For a plasma screen, an open ended 1/2" does the trick, but if you have a CRT, keep some 9/16" and 5/8" by the TV. 

That said, it's impressive that TB not only managed to kick the smack, but also mostly kick talking about smack. 

Paula Deen hit in face with ham!

It's what it sounds like. Paula Deen hit in the face with a ham. It's like the half of what I'd ask the Make a Wish Foundation for that does not involve the cast of 8 Femmes in a Pinzgauer.

Marisa Tomei kisses a monkey

One forgets just how formidable Marisa Tomei was when she was at the height of her powers. Unless you are a plushie chubby chaser with a thing for Snuffleupagus, Marisa telling the story of a fast food restaurant in Bensonhurst is, without question, the sexiest thing ever to happen on Sesame Street:

You are quite welcome. And thanks to Mr. Hird, who originally posted this to support his contention that Marisa Tomei is a reptile (see :30 or so).