THE GURGLING COD

Alden & Harlow & Yelp & Instagram b/w Public Shaming

Been a while. But I'm back as part of the Food Blog Revolution of Early Mid 2015! 

You probably saw the thing from over the weekend where a pair of asshats barged into Alden & Harlow, seated selves at refused to leave, and threatened to go negative on Yelp. A&H proprietor Michael Scelfo took a picture of the offending pair, captioned:

"shout out to these two winners for seating themselves with no reservations, insulting and berating our staff, refusing to leave and all the while yelping away in front of us as a means of threat. #kbye#wedontnegotiatewithyelpers"

I shared on the Twitter, (Did you know I have a Twitter account, where sometimes I post stuff between posts here?) in a spirit of support. Then, a question from a friend we will call Not Maurice made me think on it a little bit, asking "How is Scelfo's post anything other than inviting the doxxing and harassment of those women? It's punching down, and troublesome to me." 

It's a fair question. My initial response to the q was that while the patrons were two women, they were not being called out by Scelfo on that basis, and it seemed like a legit response to the threat of Yelp bullying. 

Having slept on it, I am not quite as sure. The inherent threat in Yelp bullying is to make a private issue public, and thereby amplify it.* Basically, the Yelp Bully's proposition is "TREAT ME LIKE I AM HENRY KISSINGER AND THIS IS LE CIRQUE, OR I WILL GIVE YOU NO STARS AND TELL THE INTERNET I SAW RATS IN YOUR WALK-IN." Most people agree that this is bad, in that threats of public shaming to get better service, a  better table, or an extra crab cake in your order is not OK. 

However, Scelfo's response to the threat of public shaming is... ...public shaming. If I ran a restaurant in the Boston area, I would have my FOH on the lookout for these crackerjacks, but in posting their images on Instagram, does Scelfo cede the moral high ground? 

The situation is probably more or less untenable for the restaurant. I can think of three unappealing options:

1) Let the asshats carry on. I admire Scelfo for having his staff's back. In Fessering, I don't deal with bartenders, servers or patrons, but I do deal with TAs, lecturers and students, and I begin from a presumption that my crew is doing the right thing, unless proven otherwise. Telling your staff, indefinitely, to put up with this kind of BS seems like good way to lose your staff. So, nah. 

2) Call the cops. Nah. Probably, the situation could have escalated to where these women could have become guests of the CPD, but cops dragging patrons out of your joint is not the vibe you want in the 02138, and especially not in the former home of Casa-fuckin-Blanca. So, nah. 

3) Plan C. In this case, light them up on Instagram, thereby sticking up for your staff, and providing a public service other innkeepers in the Boston area. So, yeah, maybe? I guess.

This is not the Cod's first rodeo with the ethics of public shaming this school year. At the day job, back in December, there was an incident involving a "Cripmas" themed party -- right after the Mike Brown and Eric Garner non-verdicts. It began with an Instagram of white kids dressed like their idea of "gangstas," and there was much discussion locally and nationally about the pros and cons of blurring the faces of these wannabe Crips for news reports. I am still of two minds about that, and also about the A&H incident. (The Cod happened to be in at A&H later that night, but missed this excitement.) In general, though, as a Bold Take, I'll suggest that the way social media can accelerate and intensify public shaming is not my favorite thing about it. 

*Yelp is a fine tool for identifying and locating restaurants. It is a lousy tool for evaluating restaurants. Given the average restaurateur's penchant for a midi-saturated, PDF riddled webpage, being able to find a restaurant's location and hours is a very useful service Yelp provides. That said, it puzzles and saddens me that there are evidently people who still use the opinions of grudge-holding tale-bearing strangers to inform the choices they make about where to eat. The axiom of "don't read the comments" so frequently invoked elsewhere on the Web is essential advice if you want to get the most out of Yelp. 

 

Gun Nuts are, in fact, killing Yelp.

EDIT: Greetings to those of you joining us via Julia Moskin. To get up to speed, the burger joint/gun nut/Yelp cyberbulying saga starts here, is updated here, w/ reflections on guns + restaurants + social media also here. Views expressed here are my own, but to be clear, I'm not the one slinging around the coprophilic maledictions. 

So, yesterday, The Cod wondered if the Backstreets incident, revealing as it does that Yelp is populated by homophobes with complicated relations to poop, might damage the credibility of a restaurant review site that is the forum for the opinions of anyone with a smartphone and two thumbs. Seems as if Yelp has a bigger problem than just actual cyberharassment of a particular place by gun nuts after the owner called them a bad name. Not only are there weird and bad reviews of Backstreets from other folks, but a visit to our local pub, Nick's, revealed that some disgruntled gun nut Yelpers are not only slamming Backstreets, but also giving positive reviews to other spots in town. Here is a not subtle example. (See screenshot below.) Also, this guy, "Joe B," has been posting positive reviews of every other place nearby, comparing them favorably to Backstreets, as in this review of the Islander:

Great pub-- this place serves great food and cold beers in nice clean mugs (unlike the Backstreet Pub). The restrooms are clean and the people that work there are friendly.

As an occasional patron of The Islander, I'd say that Joe B. has overstated its virtues considerably. So, if one were attempting to use Yelp to, say, find a place to eat, not only are there the false negative reviews of a place that hurt the feelings of gun nuts, but also false positive reviews of nearby places. TripAdvisor has the same problem. Maybe Eater can hire Gael Greene to cover the Clemson beat so we can get trustworthy reviews? 

 

 

Will gun nuts kill Yelp?

So it looks like self-proclaimed constitutional scholars are putting reviews of the aforementioned anti-gun burger joint in Clemson, SC  about as fast as Yelp can scrub them. Not sure what impact these specious reviews will have on Backstreets, but it does reveal some disturbing truths about Yelp. If the folks flooding Yelp w/ baroque scat freak line cook fantasies were joining Yelp specifically to slander an establishment that would prefer they consume their wings and Bud Lites unarmed, that would be one thing. But! The folks posting the negative reviews of Backstreets seem to be regular Yelpers for the most part. For instance, if one were, say, wondering about brunch spots in Vail, you'd be getting advice on that from "Whaledriving W.," who also shares this tidbit from Backstreets: 

"The feces, urine, and used toilet paper on the bathroom floor were disgusting, as was the employee who was kneeling inside one of the toilet stalls.  What was he doing?  I don't know, but I saw him come out of the bathroom and go back into the kitchen."

So, yeah, the kerfuffle does not so much discredit Backsreets, which remains an OK college bar, as it does make the Cod wonder anew about the Yelp business model. 

In other news, did you see that Eater hired some adults to review restaurants? 

This is why South Carolina Can't have nice things: (Nikki Haley, Gun Nuts & Yelp)

It's rare that there is a national food-related story coming out of the very town where The Cod's corporeal host does his day job. But! South Carolina passed a law permitting patrons to bring guns into bars and restaurants, (provided they do not drink) but allowed individual establishments to opt out. So the proprietor of one of the many college bars in Clemson, SC posted the sign at left. 

And then gun nuts went apeshit. Specifically, gun nut Yelpers. 

This too shall pass, but a few thoughts:

1) The food at Backstreets is fine. It is pretty much like any other flatscreens and pool tables college bar establishment you've been to. Now and again, they get a little bit ambitious w/ their lunch special.

2) Can a restaurant be cyber-bullied? If so, this one sure is.

3) Related: Many of the Yelpers seem to feel that the worst thing they can say about Backstreets is that it caters to gays.* There are probably some folks in town who would welcome a local alternative to The Woodshed, but if they do have a glory hole, they've added it since the last time I ate there. 

4) This is a terrible law. I mean, for the obvious reasons that nobody has ever been in a bar in SC and thought, "geez, some guns would make this a better environment." But also, it puts bar and restaurant owners in a terrible position. This law does not just cover wing spots in college towns, but also serious restaurants, including those in Greenville, (John Mariani's favorite restaurant town), and Charleston (which has reached the point where the local paper gets huffy when no CHS chef gets shortlisted for Best Chef). It's not hard to imagine that some folks -- The Cod included -- would be more comfortable eating in an establishment with unarmed patrons. It would not be hard for patrons to ask if a place allowed weapons when making a reservation, and then book a table at a place with a no guns rule. But if the person calling your restaurant happens to be a gun nut, then you lose their business for banning guns, and invite a Yelp-driven shitstorm. Indeed if I were a talented restaurateur considering a new venture, I might look somewhere besides a state where I have to tussle with a gun shibboleth. Gov. Haley talks a lot about promoting business in the state. It's a shame that she didn't consider that kowtowing to gun nuts would make opening a restaurant in South Carolina an untenable proposition. 

*Nick's is probably a better bet for your gay-friendly Clemson college bar experience. 

It's Tony Maws' house, and if you don't like it...

...get the fuck out. This anecdote comes in a piece about Yelp bullies. (It probably helps when if a Yelp review makes you cry, you can dry your tears on the ribbon of your James Beard Award medallion.) But the more inspiring part is this. The Cod sure wishes he could employ a similar comp and toss approach at his day job: 

Perhaps the “most disturbing” interaction I had with a guest was just a few weeks ago. I always try to personally deliver a course on our tasting menu as a “thank you” and I know it means a lot to some people. (It’s also a way for me to remember that I’m actually cooking for a real person, which is sometimes easy to forget in a busy service.) That night, I followed our servers carrying plates of lamb to a table and watched them place the dishes in front of the three guests. The gentleman, flanked by two attractive young women, did not look up from his smart phone. I waited until it became a bit awkward — maybe 30 seconds, though it certainly felt much longer. The women looked at me, then at their companion, back at me, back at him; he still did not look up.

“Well then," I thought. “I’ll get this started."

“Excuse me," I continued. "I’d like to tell you about the dish in front of you, your final savory course…”

He still did not look up, and now his friends began to shift uneasily in their seats.

“Our lamb, three different ways...the tongue is…”

I was mid-sentence when he suddenly looked up, clearly impatient and annoyed.

“That will be all,” he said. “You can go now.”

But he was not finished. What I initially felt as rejection and indifference was much worse — he shooed me off, waving his hand like I was a servant or, better, an annoying mosquito. I was dumbstruck.

“I’m sorry, sir, but I’m only trying to…”

“I SAID, THAT… WILL… BE… ALL! In fact, we are through. We will not need dessert and please bring my check.” he blurted red-faced.

I could not stop myself as I replied. “You are correct, Sir. Your meal is over. There will be no check, and now it is time for you to leave!”

Play us off, Eddie Murphy: 

 

One Star Yelp Reviews of Restaurants The Gurgling Cod enjoys: Farm 255 ed.

Yes, Kimball I know. Waiting on artwork. But! Betimes, in the wake of the OSYROMSR posts of one-star Yelp reviews of Michelin-starre restaurants the Cod does not get to visit very often, I thought it would be fun to look a little closer to home. With Whitney Otawka at the help, Farm 255 in Athens, Ga has emerged as one of my favorites. Otawka is an Acheson vet, staged w/ St. Tom, and is serious but not pedantic about her food. The cinetrix and I had a chance to look in yesterday, had a ridiculous egg thing, absurd homemade ricotta, a delicious charcuterie plate, etc. I find it hard to imagine not enjoying a meal here, but it can be done, if you're Tina P! 

Not impressed.  We had a reservation for new years eve where the menu was set.  This is the only time I have ever been here so my opinion is a bit biased, but nothing on the menu was worth the price.  We had a table of ten so everything on the menu was ordered and shared...and not a single thing was worth the $30 per plate price (just for the a-la-carte main course not including sides and libations)...my tummy was still growling after dinner....it's too bad bc I was very excited to try the "farm to fork" concept...but everybody was very disappointed...and after a hefty $80 check per couple, we ended up at 5 guys stuffing our starving faces with cheeseburgers.

Wow. A $40/guest total on New Year's Eve and you're not Cheesecake Factory full? Call Amnesty International. People who review Kroger and their dentist on Yelp may not dig Farm 255, but I recommend it for the rest of you. 

One Star Yelp Reviews of Michelin Starred Restaurants, French Laundry ed

Thanks to my homies in the Bay Area for showing some love for OSYROMSR. There ain't nobody who responsd positively to constructive criticism like a Cali chef, so let's take a look at what the Yelpers had to say about TK's flagship, French Laundry.

First and foremost, kudos to Lara L for demonstrating that there is nothing you can't mommyjack: 

Congratulations, Lara L! 

As an Eater commenter suggested, some of the dings may be from folks who have never eaten there. But Tanya T. can't make stuff like this up: 

I had asked for the meat to be well done, came to me very rare. I had to send it back for more fire. My date's meal sat there getting cold - they didn't offer to take it and keep it warm until mine came back out.

Oh, dear.

Then there's the guy who says the food at FL tastes like a "sweaty dog's taint," and many, many onestars from folks who have not gotten into FL, and use Yelp to complain that it's hard to get into. Related is thisguy: "I'll preface this review by saying that I'm comparing FL to El Bulli, Next, and Alinea.  (I've eaten at all of these)." Good for you, Kyle R! I say "related" b/c the simultaneous emergence of Yelp and molecular gastronomy appears to foster a culture of trophy restaurants, where there are a handful of restaurants worldwide where the demand for meals vastly outstrips the supply, b/c, I suspect, it's easy for a certain kind of diner (the kind who brags about where he's eaten), to understand the prestige of molecular gastronomy. I've never eaten at a Thomas Keller restaurant, and avoid Yelp whenever I can, but it does appear that there is a significant cohort of folks who would never consider eating at French Laundry were it not for Yelp, who know MUST eat at French Laundry, so they can talk about it on Yelp. 

 

One Star Yelp Reviews of Michelin Starred Restaurants, Eleven Madison Park Edition

People seem to enjoy these, so, Eleven Madison Park. The Cod has actually eaten here. Good stuff. The big knock on 11Mad is a) cost b) small portions. The closest Cheesecake Factory is in Hackensack, so I can see how this could be a problem. But beyond delivering value-sized portions, keeping on top of a three stars from Bib and four from  the NYT is never easy, and even a chef like Daniel Humm can lose track of a detail here or there. It turns out that Chef Humm is not keeping his cocktail servers sexually satisfied - which makes them surly when dealing with indecisive patrons like Sasha B: 

Our (cocktail) waitress greeted us in a timely fashion, and handed us our menu, including both drinks and the a la carte dinner menu... I reviewed the cocktail menu briefly and inquired about the "bar tenders selection - $15" She proceeded to ask what I typically drink. When I stated I can like anything form Gin, to Vodka to Bourbon in a drink, she impolitely encouraged me to review the cocktail list and she'd return for my order. She neglected to make any suggestions and seemed very annoyed by my question...

10 minutes go by... Me: "how are our drinks coming along?"
the waitress (that needs to get laid): "when they're ready, they'll arrive on your table!"
Me: "Oh, Thank you!"

5 more minutes.... our drinks finally arrive....

It is possible for people of good will to disagree on the value that a high end restaurant meal represents, but there is an emerging concensus that there are some terrible, terrible people on Yelp, even among the Yelp Elite.

One Star Yelp Reviews of Michelin Starred Restaurants, Per Se Edition

Not even Chef Thomas Keller is safe from the one-star throwing Yelp ninjas. There is but one single-star review of Per Se, but it's a doozy! Among other things, you don't have to know how to spell in order to afford to eat at Per Se:

The bread is hard and cold and I was afraid I need to consult my dentist if I had one more.  I picked Stilton cheese off the tasting menu and they brought me Ricotto cheese - how is this infantile mistake even possible is beyond my grasp. 

Better still, the whole thing is animated by the conceit that dining at Per Se is a step down from how this Yelper typically rolls: 

Add Yelp vs. Bib, Alinea ed.

An exchange w/ an Alinea co-owner garnered this gem:

If Mr Kokonas is correct, panning a restaurant you have never been to, right down to imagined encounters with the FOH people, is the most depressing thing I've heard since pretending to be a swinger on Flckr. The day is young, but we'll call it a Guiteau Monday.