The Pitch

"Ok, so we'll do a remake of Carrie, but for vegans, and with a slightly older Carrie, but with state-of-the-art sweater puppies":
 

Better yet,  pull the string, and G-D will give you soundbites straight out of Something from the Oven:

"Canned tomatoes are packaged when they're the ripest and the sweetest," she says, "so there's really no reason to go with fresh."
This might make sense if she had a deal with a tomato canner, but there is no brand in the receipt that follows, so she may just be yanking some Sustainable and Local cranks.